"...As long as I am breathing, in my eyes, I am just beginning."

There is a greater Christian faith than one which settles for the temporal happiness, and that is the augmentation of faith. The more faithful you become, the harder the obstacles get; but the harder the obstacles get, the tougher your spine grows; and the tougher your spine grows, the less dependent you are on man's approval. I came to know this about Christianity when valuing faith before comfort. 

Ever since I was dismissed from college in 2010, life has been a roller coaster. Actually, a roller coaster is an understatement; it has been like surfing through Lorentzian wormholes in outer-space. I feel as though my entire future, as I had once understood, took a whole new direction: ranging from not receiving a degree after 5 years to experiencing the loss of a long-term love interest to spending nights sleeping in my car. Surely enough, prior to these incidents, I had prayed that God do whatever it takes to turn me into the man that he wants me to be. Ultimately this is how, in reflecting, I am certain that everything that happened played a part in my recent successes, and I would be a fool to regret any of it. I have changed tremendously in a single year, probably more in one year than I had in all the 23 years of my life. However, like any change, it has its good points as well as bad points. 

Even though I always had a huge heart for every individual I would come into contact with, I have been, what I like to call, a "lone ranger" nearly my entire life. My natural tendencies thrive in solitude, hence it is normally not in my system to feel lonely. Solitude is often what I choose, therefore I have no one but myself to blame for my poor social skills. When I previously wrote "bad points", I meant that it is no mystery that my drive is now out of spite, out of indignation rather than out of a more humble motivation. There have been cases in which I unintentionally hurt others in my spoken or written discourses - my tone and my context is at times off key. Like many individuals who have felt continuously beaten down with only a few who genuinely cared, my heart has indeed grown colder, I have become cocky, and I have a lower level of tolerance. As a man who, for the most part, hopes to think and act in the ways that God wants me to think and act, I often reflect on the things that I say or write; I then dissect them in correspondence with my motives: "What was my initial intent in this? What am I trying to convey? How might others perceive this?" My main conclusion rests in the irony of my own philosophy.

My first book Salomé (2011) was partially inspired by a passage from The Four Loves (1960) by C.S. Lewis. It puts into perspective the vulnerability of love and how one should love despite all its potential afflictions, "Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. ... It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation."

After the release of Salomé, I started becoming the very person the book was intended to help due to conflicts in my personal life, and the entire time, I was aware of it. In hours of affliction, a man tends to harden his heart and lose all feeling as a means to cope; therefore I am still recovering from a deep anger at the hands I was dealt, or, when letting my anger speak, lack thereof. For a while I even neglected my first love: singing.

However the good part of the change has been my stretch in mental capacity and all-new dimensions of creativity. I without a doubt know my purpose on this earth and I am not hesitant when putting my gift to use. Not only has my heart become impenetrable, but on the positive end my confidence has also become impenetrable. I am aware that this can at times be a hindrance in distinguishing the difference between a malicious attack and one's intent for constructive criticism - which is a form of discernment that I need to sharpen - but above all, I am most definitely, rapidly becoming the man that God intended me to be.

Great philosophers become immortal - they make undeniable impacts on culture. Thankfully, at the age of 24 I have accomplished my goal of becoming a globally respected philosopher; although not to its greatest possible degree, but as long as I am breathing, in my eyes, I am just beginning. Not to mention, merely becoming a respected philosopher was and still is only a part of my true ambition.

Pseudo-Mature Theologians & Red Herrings

Invariably have I both observed and experienced older theologians demeaning younger ones by age rather than unfaithfulness, and I have previously ignored it in reverence. I am certainly not referring to mentorships or one's receiving guidance from those wiser than oneself. Obviously, those are wonderful, productive things. I am referring to the inferior complex-inducing strategies and authoritative appeals of the modern day theologian, which are most recurring when they fail to support their own tattered philosophies during debates. Job 12:19-20 says, "He leads priests away stripped and overthrows men long established. He silences the lips of trusted advisers and takes away the discernment of elders." Time and time again does the pride of man influence his very own fall (Proverbs 16:18). While denying it, one gradually starts to believe that he is the authority, or that he possesses great moral dominion over others, yet it is spiritually unwarranted. By that point he loses steam; as a result, he falsely begins trying to prove that unwarranted dominion by seizing the role of a condemner.

Indeed one has to remember that younger theologians are inexperienced, however, alternatively do they have the purity of a fresh canvas for God's limitless work. On the other hand, older theologians have experience but a bias that limits God's work according to those experiences. While God makes both himself and his ways known to those who seek him (Matthew 7:7), the infinite is only understood to a degree in the finite. This is in fact necessary: What is the value of knowledge if it is not concealed so that each man may seek in order to fulfill his own purpose? God as the creator of man, man as the creation of God - neither God nor man may receive glory without the concealment of knowledge. There was never any promise of theological perfection in this life nor is there a direct correspondence in revelations from God to one's years of experience; therefore, one should never cease the will for understanding under the notion that it has all been understood. The credit of wisdom goes to God who is not limited to man's idea of a mature mind. Ultimately, I will take the former over the latter, Mark 10:5 says, "Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it."

Ironically, fallacious diversions such as ad hominem attacks and self-authoritative appeals degrade one's own credibility, thus losing the respect allegedly deserved. Most importantly, 1 Timothy 4:12 is self-explanatory regarding the subject, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." God's word consistently seems to fall into the philosophically plausible position when interpreted from an unbiased position - the child's perspective is one of the most pure among man. Charles Baudelaire hinted this saying, "Genius is nothing more nor less than childhood recovered at will." Children have pure enough minds to ignore the standards and boundaries set my men/society, and this imaginative nature is a divine perspective due to the notion that only the boundaries set by God are ultimately relevant.